Writing Snoring Sounds
Will you give your opinion of this poem?
For clarity, I did not write this. It was written by my wife in response for the poem I posted 2 days ago entitled “Morning Light”
Elusive Sleep
As I lay in bed and sleep eludes me
I listen to the sounds all around me.
The sounds from outside.
The far off whistle of the train,
The soft hoots of the owls,
The barking of the neighbor’s dog,
The nightly chorus of the cats.
All the sounds of loneliness.
I listen to the sounds inside too.
The faint snuffle of our snub nosed dog,
The hourly announcements of our talking clock,
The wirring sound of the ceiling fan above us,
The quiet and sometimes not so quiet sound of your snores beside me.
All the sounds that tell me I am not alone.
That I love and am loved.
And safe in those thoughts, sleep no longer eludes me.
She has my opinion, and would like yours as well.
I like it. I’m shocked your wife is writing free verse–gasp.
It has a nice symmetry to it. I think the strongest part in the piece is the poet’s reflection: All the sounds of loneliness.
I think I like the second set of images better than the first–more specific. It seemed like though they were more likely categorized: sounds far off and sounds near. I thought after the great loneliness line that the inside sounds would be the ones not in the house but in the poet’s mind. The things that kept them awake. I don’t mind that it has a pleasant ending. I just wish that we truly went inside.
I think that would have made it stronger for me. There is a lot of good here. I just felt that the loneliness line built the tension, gave some promise, and than released the pressure.
I’m not sure if that makes sense.
Just my opinions, take them for what they’re worth.
Again I enjoyed it.
Best,
Todd
Allcia Voice Actors Needed!!
